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Showing posts from January, 2016

A Chronic Pain

Unless you have a chronic illness, you will never know what it is like for someone who does. You will never understand how on one day you can be on top of the world feeling no pain to the next day being taken down by the invisible attacker.  Chronic pain comes in many forms. In my case, it is due to a condition called, cervical spinal stenosis. This is caused by the cervical bones in the neck pressing on the spinal cord causing anything from numbness in the limbs to shutting down the activity in your brain. Yes your spinal cord along with your heart is the central parts in your body, if they are not working properly, the body is tossed into confusion.                                                 Today I feel defeated. I feel let down and totally unable to comprehend the capacity in which my life is being lived today, yet I strive to remain in a state of peace and faith. I don’t wear a mask for the world to see. Today I am feeling vulnerable in the fact that I want to give up.

His Presence Will Go With You

For months, I have been in an uneasy place in my spirit and my life. I have also been on some great highs and enjoying much more. I have allowed my imagination to consume me to the point of not taking much action. I have let myself flow in the joys that God has provided. Even though I know that the Father is with me, I have been in a dark and muddy valley. In this valley, my self-talk is not all that blessed. My self-talk is of frustration and admonishment. My self-talk jumps on the back of depression and shuts me down. It is a great and awesome wonder that God is the great revealer of all things, because He no doubt knows everything. I understand that it is all par for the course in which He has already predestined specifically for me. In my journal writing on Friday morning, all I could write was praises to God thanking Him for all that He has saved me from, pages of praise. I gave Him my heartfelt desire and pain acknowledging that my flesh has grabbed hold of the negatives t

Lift Every Voice

As we celebrate the life and legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., we reflect on his vision and purpose. We reflect on all that as happened and will happen in civil and human rights. Many celebrations are under way and for that, I think it is important for the youth to be present in learning their history, full and an uncut. As we cry out and mourn the loss of the young and old due to senseless violence, let us continue to lift our voices for justice and peace. The voice and message of Dr. King still rings truth today, and as we see in the media, we are a long way from that promise land spoken so eloquently by Dr. King. Though the nation celebrates the man whose voice was silenced due to the fight for justice, we should continue every day the journey in the same pursuit.  We should shout loud every day for justice and peace. We should not let a tragedy drive us out of the shadows. We must step forward boldly and with confidence bringing awareness to that which we know is

Singled Out

The greatest joy we can have going into this new season is understanding our position as God’s children and knowing where we should place all of our hopes and dreams.  We are not in any way responsible for another’s actions or the lack of, however we are in fact responsible for our own actions, we are responsible for showing the love of Christ and knowing that in many cases our actions will be judged. Our wisdom shared will not be met with praise by another who only sees from their limited understanding.  Don’t let this become your trophy. Don’t let others dictate to you how you will respond to the wonderful gifts that God has for you. The only guarantee that we have as human beings is death. None of us will escape it. Some will meet death prematurely and some by natural means.  This is the end. The end of placing others on a pedestal. The end of expecting an action from someone who clearly has no desire or capacity to fulfil. The end of reaching out and not seeing a hand reache

Seasons of Change

For the past few years I have been uncomfortable. Health issues, financial issues, family crisis, uncomfortable. It has been the same thing, day in and day out, year after year, the same. Much growth but no real satisfaction. Routine. Just existing in a space that I know I no longer fit in, by God’s design.  A hexagon trying to be pushed into a triangle. God has been nudging, sparking, and releasing His requests, a mandate to do what He has said to do. Talking with my aunt today she said this, many hear God clearly, but are not willing to be truly obedient to His call. It is like asking the Lord to flick a light to prove He spoke that magic word. Crazy uh? Yes. We all fall short. For a while now, I have felt the nudge to do some things that I have not done.  I have tried to do some things to avail. Yes, I am doubtful. Yes, I am waiting for the light to flicker. Well, it has flickered and burst into flames. This past Friday, I had a moment that caused me extreme anger. I mean pic

Get Lined Up

With 5 days into 2016, I am right where I need to be. In the presence of God.  In my last post I talked about having too many irons in the fire. I am purging mentally and physically. I have even tossed water on some irons. As the last year was coming to a close, I was already in evaluation mode. When you take serious inventory of your life, you will know exactly where you are and where you are not. The things I have come to understand at this point my life is hurtful but needed in order for me to grow. I have felt alone, unwanted, unwelcomed, unappreciated and the list is huge. I have allowed situations to overtake me when in all actuality, none of it had nothing to do with me and what I want or desire for my life. I allowed life to sit on my back and choke the life out of me. I surrender it all to Jesus Christ. Fully and completely. I have to learn that firm no when a situation does not line up and shout it from the mountain top. You see, nothing changes unless you change and w

Redefining The Fire

As I look back over the last year, I can say I have not done all of things I had set out to do. I have had idea after idea, started them and then fizzled out due to mental exhaustion and bankruptcy. One of my favorite author’s, Barbara Joe Williams wrote a Facebook post, something her mother had said to her. “If you have too many irons in the fire, you are bound to get burned”. Ouch! I had many irons in the fire. I attempted to be superwoman in my attempts to write a book, plan a business venture, take care of my health, and be present for my family as best I could. Be all and do all. Burned and burned out. All of my efforts produced no fruit but a mired of annoying fruit flies. Swatting at the thoughts and desires in my heart. Slapping myself for not moving up the ladder of my goals, but falling off hitting the ground due to emotional frustrations, distractions, and the wavering of my faith. As 2015 was coming to a close, I pressed pause and took a long hard look at my lis

Happy Kwanzaa - Imani - Faith

As we enter into 2016, today's reflection is more than fitting. Faith - To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle. I wrote the following several years ago and I think it is fitting for today's reflection. "Desire will create passion and passion will then override fear and limitation. Sometimes you will clearly see how things should be, but realize you are not living in what you see, which will cause dissatisfaction in your soul. Dissatisfaction will then create a determination inside of you to change what is not seen in the natural, into what is only known in the spiritual. Faith". My bothers and sisters, dig down deep and pull up your faith. Restoration can only be materialized in God's time when we have that faith, the size of the mustard seed. As you go into this new year, rise up and do that which you know you were created to do. Rise up and take your

Happy Kwanzaa - Kuumba - Creativity

Creativity - To do always as much as we can, in the way that we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it. All around us we can see creation. There is not a place that you or I can see where there is no creativity. The mason builds with bricks. The carpenter builds with wood and steal. The baker builds with ingredients forming beauty to the eye and flavor to the palate. The artist of paint creates masterpieces that live for generations. Creativity is in all of us for all of us. My brothers and sisters, we were created to create. We are to look out for others, build foundations, and as the reflection states, leave this world better than when we inherited. It is that simple. Take action. Be Blessed