The Unique View

Over a week ago, I was sitting in a waiting room waiting for my sister friend who had an appointment, I was going over in my mind how far I have come by the grace of a good God. Though I read several books at a time, one book has my full attention, The Motivation Manifesto by, Brendon Burchard and let me tell you, this book gripped my face with full palm at the first page and chapter. I feel free to move unencumbered. Free in mind, body, and spirit. Free inspite of Clinical Depression and Anxiety, inspite of Cervial Spinal Stynosis, inspite of Osteoporosis and Degenerative Disc Disease trapessing through my bones. Oh yes, I'm free because I choose to see God's  healing instead of human despair. Change was the catalyst. Making any change can be paralyzing to many, especially to those who struggle with Depression and Anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and laziness. Every step forward is coupled with numerous fears. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, abandonment, and fear of succes...

One year ago, today, is a day that I don’t want to forget. I will be forever reminded of just how fragile we are as human beings. Our minds and bodies were not meant to take on all that we often allow causing us to spiral out of control and unknowingly crash and burn. It’s when we feel the flames of life that we realize we are burning. The embers sizzle, crackle, and disintegrate into ashes of crushed emotions.  Mental illness is the ember that burns for so many. I don’t want to forget because that is the day the Lord had my full attention. That is that day that I became new and full. That is the day I realized that the masking of pain shattered. For that day, I am grateful and humbled. On April 6, 2016, I crashed and burned. The heat of life started at my feet and rose into the pit of my stomach dragging my mind down into the form of Clinical Depression and Anxiety. Throughout the following year, I took medication, attended counseling, and made drastic changes. I imm...

In my last post, I talked about our flaws and why we shouldn't hide them. When I say flaw, I do not mean to insinuate worthlessness. No, I am pointing out that what others may see as a flaw, God created as a masterpiece, unique and particular. Yes, everything about you is unique and that is why I express the importance of not hiding. The definition of a flaw: a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object. Our lives are filled with many flaws. Unable to give birth,  unable to read or write, unable to drive a motor vehicle.  Deeper flaws of the physical and emotional are disfigurement,  physical disability,  missing limbs., mental illness.  These are all unique. Why do I say unique?  Because each of the above mentioned is an open door to revealing much more than the flaw itself. It is an opportunity to share and enlighten someone who needs to hear your story and see the winner before them. Courageous. Not defeated or defective...

From a young age I always felt that something about me was different. I am the youngest of 5. The age difference  between myself and my sibling above me is 10 years, imagine the age of the others. I did not connect with many, and those that I did feel a connection with seemed forced or maybe  tolerated. Throughout  my young life I experienced emotional pain. At the age of 7 I learned to retreat within myself and vowed to have no expectations of any kind out of fear. This is also the age when codependency was formed in my mind though I didn't realize  that until I was in my 30's. Abandonment, flaw.  Rejection, flaw. Trust issues, flaw. Broken relationships, flaw. Fear of being hurt, flaw. Fear of failing, flaw. Fear that someone would figure out that I was flawed, major flaw. Feeling inadequate and undesirable, flaw. Many of you are hiding just like I did. Hiding out in your own protective cage due to the fear of someone noticing and rejecting you, or ridicu...

As of October 2016, I have made some major changes in my life. Some would say, girl, I would not do that. Well, get this, you do not know what you will do until the situation presents itself. I have been living with family. I quit my job of 6 years. Now, I am letting the winds blow through my afro. Yes, I am on a mini retirement or sabbatical.  I don't have an agenda and I am not pressed for time or sleep. Well, I am still an insomniac,  but that's getting better.  Most importantly,  I am being still and really surrendering my heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord. I struggle with depression and anxiety.  There are times when the sadness sets in and my joy is snatched,  but all Praises to God for His comfort and peace. Though the storm rages, I know the One who calms. Many say, "I don't hear God".  Guess what? God is speaking, it's that your emotional and physical noise level is to loud for you to hear Him. Psalm 46:10 NLT says, "Be still and...

It has been over a month since I have posted to the blog, but not for a lack of trying. I have written a few pieces, but once I read over them, they just didn’t click for me. Perfectionist issues!   Even as I sit and peck the keys to express this post, I am struggling. I don’t have anything to say, yet I have so much to say. Confusing right? I absolutely don’t understand it, but I am not going to force it. 7 months ago, I felt the earth under my feet disappear. I couldn’t catch my breath and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. The vice grip on my stomach was unbearable. My heartbeat was doing a triple beat tango, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t crawl out of the dark pit of dread, despair, rage, and heartache. Chronic depression and anxiety, that was the diagnosis. I am following both of my doctors’ orders, taking the medication and attending counseling. I devour books that give me insight, knowledge, direction, and comfort during this walk in the valley. I have remove...

I smile and go inward with my thoughts because voicing them at any given moment could result in an atomic melt down, my own melt down. It is bad enough that I think, it is worse when my facial expressions betray my brain. Depression and anxiety will do that to you. I am a routine type person. I have structure and I am organized, sometimes to a fault. At this moment, I am totally not in control, straight out of my comfort zone. Being in situations that are not well put together or unorganized makes me itch. This has always been my way of life. I was raised to do things right or don’t do them at all. No half steppin! These past few weeks have been emotionally and physically draining, but so far I am doing good. Even though the cloud of anxiety is waving the red flag shouting, run and kick everyone in the kneecaps, I have managed to only have one small melt down. I have had a horrific virus that has been flying around, that floored me. I will spare you the details, trust me you...