A Mothers Fear

September 24, 2015 started out like the previous days. Got up, said my prayers, and started my day.  I sat at my desk and wrote in my prayer journal as I do every day.  The email notification read emergency call. I read the email. My heart leaped just a little. The email read, emergency phone call from your son Sean please call right away. My heart raced. Immediately I took my break and made the call. Oh hell is all I could say, when I heard the words from my son that my youngest son Marcus was in an accident. I stopped breathing and my son must have known it, he said mom breath, he is alright. In my head, I knew he was only saying that so I would not freak out. I gathered my things and jetted out. 15 miles away by freeway, I hit the exit and connected with the middle lane and drove as if there were blinking lights and sirens on my car and a loud speaker announcing, GET OUT OF THE WAY. While driving all I could say is, Jesus you got this. Jesus you got this.

I arrived at the emergency room not sure what I was walking into. My mind went back to this same son’s accident when he was hit by a car and on life support for 3 days, broken leg in two places, brain swelling, and a probe in his head. His body swollen beyond recognition. Needless to say these calls are not the calls a mother wants or needs to receive even if they are grown. I dragged my brain back to the present. Can’t be. But oh it can be, the man was on his Harley so imagine a motorcycle accident on a busy early morning mass exodus packed freeway. Yes, imagine the many horrific deaths of victims of motorcycle accidents. I parked my car in the emergency parking lot and got out in a daze trying to keep it together and not go ballistic. Walking through the emergency room doors, I asked for my son’s room trying to get my face to once again betray my brain to not think the worse. Wondering how my oldest son was holding up, he can be so calm about things.

One of my son biker brothers was walking to the same room, I am sure he saw the horror written all over my face and in the way I walked with a shear warrior stride.  Entering the room, I stopped breathing. He was laying there, left arm in a sling, right leg in traction. My eyes scanned him, I look under blankets, I am sure he thought I was going to see his man hood. I did not care, I needed to see the extent of all visible injuries. A mother needs to always investigate even if it embarrasses their children.  My son spoke, hey mom. I said hey. He says, I am fine, I looked at him as I said to myself, hell you are. His injuries were a dislocated shoulder and broken femur. Took the CAT scan and other scans, morphine was running wild in his veins. My concern was his head, a previous severe head injury could be catastrophic if hit again. All was good there and no internal injuries. Praise God.

The first night for him and all of us was horrifying. As a mother I felt totally helpless. My son in pain, unable to move, screaming for help and call buttons not being answered. I walked the halls looking for help. I find a nurse only to be told that it was not her section. Dragon fire and some choice words. Horrifying. My heart broke every time the pain took his breath away and brought him to tears. Screams for help. I could not help him. Horrifying. After all was screamed and understood to the head RN on duty, they gave him a pump to control his medication. She tried to adjust my son’s body in the bed because he became twisted in his bed which caused more extreme pain. Thank God for my son and nephew who knew what to do and helped get him positioned correctly. 

The next morning the director came in and she got a verbal lashing by both myself and my oldest son. We expressed how unacceptable this whole ordeal has been handled by her staff.  I advised her that the morning nurse was combative and rude, she was not listening to understand but to respond. She was apparently more concerned with losing her license as if we asked her to do something illegal. I asked that she be removed from his care. The previous night nurse was no better, she basically ignored many requests by a call button from her patient. I am honestly glad that she was behind a locked glass door because rage was in my veins and jail would have been the destination. We also learned that morning that the dosage of pain medication was reduced and this is why the pain was still unbearable. I tell you that this whole ordeal was gut wrenching dreadful.

I and my oldest son were shaken to the core. For me it is like shaking leaves off of a tree, the limbs are bare and exposed. It felt like the world stopped and I was the only person moving. There is something within me that is no longer the same. I trust God so I know that whatever the shift is, it is for His glory. I have become more selective and also less engaged. It is like having blurred vision for so long and then all of a sudden crystal clear vision. I have not been able to focus on much at all. I know it’s a shift because I love motorcycles and I love the sound of them, but now the sound is not the same.

Fast forward to today, October 23, 2015 he is home, in rehabilitation, and doing well. For a man who is always on the go to be reduced to being unable to go is a struggle and a blessing. God uses all situations to get our attention. To get us to listen to His voice. To cause us to really think about our lives and what and who is important. During that stressful time his son, Marcus II was born on October 6, 2015 and that in and of itself was an ordeal with my getting that emergency call. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. No matter what, if I am able I will be there for my family even if I have to crawl and or be dragged.

We only get this one life. We only have those in our lives who wish to be there and be present. To walk with us hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder. To be of some support. They are the diamonds that will shine bright. God requires His children to show love. You do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I thank God for His divine hands on my son’s life.  

Be Blessed