Skip to main content

Preplexed - My Journey of Depression


As I close out my day, I am sitting here thinking about the journey I am on. Being diagnosed with clinical depression is one of wonder and curiosity, frustration and bewilderment, anger and fear. Since that dreadful day, April 6, 2016, I have found myself embarked on a journey of seeking knowledge and understanding about this illness.

I woke up this morning with a strong desire to cry, scream and shout. I had a dread in my spirit that tried to consume me. I needed to clean a little, but as I started, I got stuck and had to sit down. Knowing that depression will cause you to shut down, I forced myself to accomplish my intended task. This was extremely hard mentally and physically. The dark cloud that loomed kept sounding the alarm beckoning me to stay in bed. I fought it and today ended up a good day. I willed myself to get up and get out. I took in two hours at the gym and got my one load of laundry done. Though my eating is slim to none, I did toss some chicken wings in the oven, no side dishes, it would have went to waist, I have no taste for anything in particular. Funny thing depression, it does affect every aspect of your being. One minute I feel at ease and in the next, anxious for no reason apparent.  Yet, I still managed to be awake and present in my thoughts.

This week I will have my second counseling session, and I must say, I am looking forward to it. Lisa seems to be very personable and easy to talk with.  All I know is that this thing will not beat me.  I cannot allow this to take over, the God in me cannot allow it.  Though my interest in the things I truly enjoy are not interesting at this time, I press forward keeping before me the joy, the peace, the will to understand. I allow myself to be still in the moment and just let it be all the while knowing that no matter what, I may be plagued and perplexed, I am okay and this too will pass.

As I gain knowledge and take in the information about depression, I am thankful to God that I do not have a desire to harm myself as so many who has suffered have. I love living and even though my living today may be rocky, clouded, and unpredictable, I relish in knowing that God is my comfort. Though I take medication, I am thankful that it is not leaving me in a state of deadness, for if it had, I would not take it. I find solace in knowing that I am not alone on this journey and even for a little while I do have peace.

Psalm 40:2 NLT - He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

My bothers and sisters, I can not tell you how devastating this journey is for me, what I can tell you is that I am scared to death of the unknown of this illness. Though I am scared, I fueled by the desire to do my part in helping myself to be the best I can be. If you feel that you are dealing with depression, do not ignore it. Do not take lightly that this is an illness and just like cancer, there is treatment though it may not be a cure. Rest assured that if not addressed, depression can be devastating for you and those who love you.  Stick around as I share my journey.

Be Blessed

Comments

  1. UnknownMay 16, 2016 at 10:30 AM

    Interesting that you should write this. I wrote and produced a play, which was performed this weekend at our women's conference. Depression was just one of the many subjects we tackled. I used these same exact scriptures in the play, as we ministered to the women. You already know it's a ploy of the enemy to keep you from your destiny. One day at a time, one moment at a time, choose to abide in His peace and comfort He gives. Continue to speak His word over your life, and bask in His love. You are victorious. I love you and you're in my prayers. ❤💙💖

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Unique ViewJune 5, 2016 at 6:59 PM

      Sorry for the late reply. I have had a very hard time focusing, but I am here today and today is a blessed day. WOW! that is amazing. I would have loved to see that play. You are right Sis, it is a ploy. As the word says, we do not fight against flesh and blood but of evil spirits. I praise God that I know Him and His word. I praise God for Sisters like you that stand in the gap when all I can do is lay down. I love you too Sis, thank you for your support and encouragement.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Celebration Of Life

Looking back over my life I can honestly say I did good shoot, I did better than good. Loosing my mother at 16 and me being a teenage mother I didn't crumble, crash and burn. Oh I did a zig when I should have made that zag. I believed too many lies and did not pay attention to the sirens warning me to run for the hills. I have made plenty of mistakes and many I wish I could go back and reverse, but God knew the plans he had for me because His word says that our steps are ordered. I have learned a lot about the psychological makeup of people including myself and that is why nothing surprises me anymore. I am not easily tricked up even though I may act like I don't see it, I do. I expect nothing and appreciate everything. Though I may be different, I celebrate my different because it and God has saved my life.  Bad choices and learned lessons. At 52 there are things that no longer matter as they did when I was young and impressionable. Looking back, all I can say is tha...
6 comments
Read more

I Won't Complain

After a few work days of buses not showing up for their scheduled stops, me getting home close to 2 hours later than normal,  and no good sleep I'm reminded still, how good God is. Even the periodic snaps of depression and anxiety haven't caused me to forget how good God is. The key is encouraging myself because all storms pass. It amazes me to see so many people unaware of the true effects of mental illness. They tell you, get over it. They are the ones who have no debilitating physical or educational knowledge of the struggles. They don't understand the fight everyday to remain in a visual normal state of mind with tending to the tasks requiring your presence. They can't understand why you cry for no apparent reason. Unaware that some wish to lay down at any given time to sleep hoping to never awake again. Unaware that at any moment a fuse can blow in ones mind and all hell can be unleashed. Unaware that they may see beauty or bronze, while a depressive is seeing...
9 comments
Read more

Stop Hiding Your Flaws part 2

In my last post, I talked about our flaws and why we shouldn't hide them. When I say flaw, I do not mean to insinuate worthlessness. No, I am pointing out that what others may see as a flaw, God created as a masterpiece, unique and particular. Yes, everything about you is unique and that is why I express the importance of not hiding. The definition of a flaw: a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object. Our lives are filled with many flaws. Unable to give birth,  unable to read or write, unable to drive a motor vehicle.  Deeper flaws of the physical and emotional are disfigurement,  physical disability,  missing limbs., mental illness.  These are all unique. Why do I say unique?  Because each of the above mentioned is an open door to revealing much more than the flaw itself. It is an opportunity to share and enlighten someone who needs to hear your story and see the winner before them. Courageous. Not defeated or defective...
7 comments
Read more