Its been a while since I had a clear mind to write. I have lost the focus and drive to do that which I know was given to me to do. Many writers say you just have to write and keep writing. Really? I find it very hard right now to put my thoughts down, the story. Especially when they are jumbled in my head. Many voices speaking everything except that which I passionately want to give focus. Its like Paul when he said, I don' really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead I do what I hate. Romans 7:15 NLT. No space, no time, no solitude. I want to get in my car and drive. Drive until either the car stops or I run out of money I don't have in the first place. I find lately that I do not want to come home. Not that I don't like my home, I do. I just rather be somewhere else. At this moment everything is senseless and meaningless to me and in my spirit. I almost feel those words of King Solomon. Meaningless. Just meaningless. Read the book of Ecclesiastes. The whole book not just chapter 3.
I am looking back over my life and I can honestly say, nothing has happened the way I would have liked for it to happen. But isn't that God to allow us to make plans and change them for His purpose? I understand it. I find myself being stretched more than I care to be. I want to help but the help has gone beyond. Let me say this, I have a greater awareness and appreciation for the word "no". I must increase the usage of that firm yet final two letter word. I must gain a perspective on where I need my life to go. The funny thing is, is that I thought I knew. How do I shift without seeming selfish and inconsiderate? How can I be gentle yet firm while taking back me. How can I do that and still follow God and His plans for me in His Kingdom? What I really want to do is kick some things and break up some stuff but, that would cost me money because I would have to replace them. OK so I had a moment.
Wisdom is a powerful thing that God gives when His children listen, pay attention and choose. Wisdom is that thing that causes your blood to run a little smoother in your veins, the small yet unseen hairs to stand up on your skin. When you have wisdom and you use it, you are onto something greater. What is your greater? Is it more excuses on why you cannot do something? Is it your ability to not act on that which you know you should? Or is it the new attitude of living and praising a God Who is right there with you? Let me say this, no matter what you do or don't do, its on you, its up to you and it will ultimately only affect you, mostly directly. However, your inability to act does in some way indirectly affect others. Why? Because you are a part of a program, a play, a performance of a lifetime. God's part made especially for you to play. If you don't know your lines and if you cannot act your part, the movie is a bust. Many loose something because of you. So, get it together. Stop and listen to that small voice, the Holy Spirit.
Progress can only take place when you act, start with praying for wisdom.