Thursday, September 15, 2016

Staying Power - My Journey Through Depression


 



There is a gospel song that comes to mind when I think about, staying power. I goes like this:

It's another day's journey and I'm glad)
I'm glad about it,
(I'm glad), I'm glad about it,
(I'm so glad), I'm glad about it).

(It's another day's journey and I'm glad),
I'm glad about it,
I'm so glad to be here.

(You know I've got my health and strength and I'm glad),
I'm glad about it,
(I'm so glad), I'm glad about it
(I'm so glad), I'm glad about it.

(You know I've got my health and strength and I'm glad),
I'm glad about it,
I'm so glad to be here.
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad to be here.

Yes, I can say that I am glad to be here. Even though I feel as if my life being turned upside down, I am still glad. Since my last post, I have been working hard to keep myself out of the dark hole of depression and anxiety. I owe it all to God first and foremost, without Him, I would not be here. I am grateful for my sister friend Pamela. She came to me asking me to be her accountability partner during a hard time for her, and due to God’s grace, Pamela has been a support and encouragement for me.

I am currently packing to move from my apartment that I have lived in for 7 years. Not my choice, but due the management increasing the rent by a whopping $150.00. So that will take me close to $1,000.00 a month for a 2-bedroom apartment, nothing fancy, not even a washer and dryer in the unit, but onsite. Yeah well, nope. Off I go.  And, I want to be angry. I want to scream and kick a wall or two. God literally has both of his hands and feet in my back, forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. I say that because, last year I was going to move. I started looking for a new apartment and got extremely exhausted mentally. I emotionally shut down and decided to stay put, comfort zone. I did it again this year when my lease was up in August. I decided to stay another year, knowing it was time to move. And once I told my counselor that I decided to stay, the Lord shook the earth and changed the winds, causing me to be uneasy, frustrated, angry, and fearful, with the notice to increase the rent with a new 12-month lease, not even an option of a 6-month lease. Do you see the real picture? In order for God to use us, we have to move. Either we move on our own or He will direct the winds to push us. Go back and read my blog post called, Decisions.

I am amazed at how God works. Look at the second paragraph, see the number 7?  For God, the number 7 represents the number of completion. This just hit me right between the eyes right this minute, while I am writing this post. Completion. Completion. Completion. Say it with me, completion.  As of right now my soul is in peace where I was frustrated. Right now I am praising God because in his infinite wisdom, He just showed me, confirmed for me, and reminded me that His hands are all over this journey I am on. Trust Him, that is faith. Stepping when you don't see where your steps are taking you faith.

I almost lost my emotional power when I received the rent increase, but I didn’t. I wanted to complain and go off on Debra, the manager, but I didn’t.  I just thank God that I had people around me to keep me calm, and they didn’t even know it.  As time goes on, I am amazed at myself and how I am handling the storms of my life. Prior to being diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety, I would have internalized everything, I would have vented my anger. I would be over analyzing every detail. But, seeing the number 7 up close, right now, and knowing what it represents in the spiritual, I am encouraged and at peace today.  And though I do have some peace, I am still struggling some things, that is the depressive and anxious mind, not being able to stay focused. This will pass.

My Brothers and Sisters, don’t take the journey you are on lightly.  I am sure you have heard it said, everything happens for a reasons. Well, it is true. You have the power to make it. You have the power to enjoy your journey even though a dark cloud may be looming, the winds may be blowing, and the rain falls. Tell it all to go away through prayer and stand on the promises of God. Stand on your true and loving friends and family. Trust them enough to be honest how you are feeling and why. Tell them even if you don’t know why. We all have the staying power to overcome. Don’t concern yourself with tomorrow. Keep your eyes on today.


Be Blessed