Sunday, November 30, 2014

It Starts With Us

Currently the greatest sadness in the media is the verdict or the lack of a verdict in Ferguson, Mo. History yet again is being repeated in mighty proportions. The message is clear with anger uncut and raw for many Americans especially African Americans. City officials are not sure what direction to go in all the while grasping at straws. The pain is unimaginable for anyone who has not experienced it personally, the loss of a child in any capacity.
I raised 2 sons. Raising black children in the 80’s and 90’s had its own set of chaos. Drugs, gang violence, unwanted teenage pregnancies and murder. As a mother I lived in fear and sadness.
Fear of the unknown for my sons even though I raised them with all I had. Fear of the streets being more appealing than the discipline administered at home and the needs that were met. Fear of that phone call telling me that one or both of my sons were dead due to gang violence. Fear because the street in so many ways did have a grasp. Fear that I would either visit the cemetery or the prison. Fear as a mother is like a hot knife jabbed into the very pit of your soul and all you can do is feel its fire destroy everything thing that you knew and understood.  And then there is the sadness.

Sadness that there were no real and consistent role models that walked the talk. Sadness that I could not hold my sons hands through life into adulthood. Sadness that my efforts at love, care, and discipline would be slammed back in my face. I stood tall and strong yet, small and weak. I screamed as I cursed the devil and everything that laid a claim on my son’s lives and future.

Sadness because I was alone and living it alone, so I thought. But God. He heard my screams. He saw my fear. He saw my despair and today my sons are now 34 and 31. No rap sheets, no bullets holes, no looking over their backs at what might happen but looking forward at what can happen. They are making it happen. They are choosing what is important. They are fathers. They can apply, compete and obtain employment because they are educated and can pass a background check. They walked out of the fire just as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, Daniel chapter 3. God was right with them all the time and at every turn. All due to a mothers never ending prayers and His unfailing love. All because I kept a knee in the backs and was very firm about life. I would always tell them there are consequences for every decision you make be it good or bad, it is on you and it affects others. So choose wisely. I would also tell them the very choices they make will follow them for the rest of their lives. I can only pray that it stuck. LOL I can hear it now, aww mom.   

We are in a fight for our children’s lives and our children’s children’s lives. We must show them without a shadow of doubt that destruction is not the answer to problems. That the choices do not fade away and will not be forgotten. Riots solve nothing but create a whole set of other hardships aside from the injustice felt. Take the time to talk to your children and any other child who will listen and share with them the gifts of the spirit, 1 Corinthians 12. Tell your children and family you love them as often as you can. Teach them that violence begets violence and that no one wins. 

The change does start with us. It starts with an attitude. Will that attitude be negative or positive.

Be Blessed



Sunday, November 16, 2014

A Want Or A Need

You have confused wants with needs. You want better for yourself but you are stuck in a feeling. Stuck on things, people, organizations, and feelings. You think there is no hope so you remain where you are pointing blame and being angry. Being emotionally bound by that which you can break free of.

Look around you. Look within you. There are things, people, and situations that you must evaluate and eliminate. Is that a want or a need? Taking the step will be hard but look on the bright side, you won't be stuck. You will have moved forward one elimination at a time.

Stop allowing insignificant situations to hold you back from your goals. Learn from the lessons by standing the test called life. Stop blaming outside forces for your lack of attention. Stop participating in the games others play all the while changing the rules. Stop giving your God given power away.
The priceless gift of knowing Christ will give you your power. Why? Because Philippians 4:13 says so. Its says, I can do all things through Christ with strengthens me. The key here is through Christ. It does not say through your own efforts. No, because without Christ everything you set out to do will ultimately fail. Oh yeah, you may be riding high for awhile but boom, tragedy happens. Yes. Satan and his band of thieves attack. When you are out of the grace and obedience of God nothing will work for your good.

So get up and get in step with Gods plan and watch Him work it out for your good. Romans 8:28 says, And we know that all things work together for the good to them that Love the Lord, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Is it a want or a need?

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

A Beautiful Mind

 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.  Ephesians 6:10-18

Our minds can take us on a trip. A trip that takes us farther than we desired to travel.  Our thoughts are the sum of what we have learned and believe to be true. No one desires to just exist in life. We want to realize the fullness of life. In order to do that we must take inventory. Remove outdated stock. Purge useless notions. We must restock our mental shelves with newness.

It is November and many are getting ready for the onslaught of festivities. There are many who dread this time of the year. I have learned through trial and error that it is not that serious. I have come to realize that the most important thing is to appreciate the right here and right now.  I no longer get caught up in what others are doing or what others think I should do just because everyone else is doing it and because it makes them happy.  That is not living. That is codependency. Codependency is a psychological condition that keeps us in unhealthy and unhappy situations. I have a codependent personality. I learned this at the early age of 7.  Many years later a friend of mine gave me a book by Melody Bettie called Codependent No More, this is where my healing journey began. defines codependency below:

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

Absolutely right on point. I could not have said it better myself.  Basically a codependent is concerned with the needs and actions of others and forgetting self.  Once I got that message I made changes. The changes took time and hard work because I had to learn how to love me. I had to open up wounds and allow them to heal correctly. I had to forgive myself and others. I had to let go of people and situations. Many will not do this. The most important thing I had to do was to admit and accept responsibility. This is where some fall off the wagon face first because they refuse to admit or accept any responsibility. It is so much easier to blame others. Stop it. Life is so much easier than the way you are living it.  The joy in knowing is half the battle to reaching a life of fulfillment and true happiness.  

Statistics show that millions of children are mother and fatherless. Drug abuse, gang violence, domestic violence, rape creeps in. Our young girls are looking for love and trust me they will find the illusion not the actual.  Boys are starving for a father figure and guess where they will find it, in the streets.  The cycle is meant to be broken and the only way to break that cycle is to look in the mirror. It starts with you. Just as you learned that behavior you can unlearn it and learn a new.  The next step is seeking out counsel to help you with tools for change. Don't be fooled that you can do it yourself. You can not.

Today take some time to evaluate who you are and what you want for your life.  Do you have children? Ask yourself what lessons are you teaching your them.  News flash, your children are watching you and what you do they will do also.  Go on and pull up your boot straps and turn over a new leaf.  Go ahead scream, shout, stomp your feet, cry even. What ever you do, do it in the positive because those are the results you want, positive. Start the journey to showing up and living. You are worth it. You are so worth it.

Be Blessed