Sunday, February 19, 2017
From a young age I always felt that something about me was different. I am the youngest of 5. The age difference between myself and my sibling above me is 10 years, imagine the age of the others. I did not connect with many, and those that I did feel a connection with seemed forced or maybe tolerated. Throughout my young life I experienced emotional pain. At the age of 7 I learned to retreat within myself and vowed to have no expectations of any kind out of fear. This is also the age when codependency was formed in my mind though I didn't realize that until I was in my 30's. Abandonment, flaw. Rejection, flaw. Trust issues, flaw. Broken relationships, flaw. Fear of being hurt, flaw. Fear of failing, flaw. Fear that someone would figure out that I was flawed, major flaw. Feeling inadequate and undesirable, flaw.
Many of you are hiding just like I did. Hiding out in your own protective cage due to the fear of someone noticing and rejecting you, or ridiculing you for what they might assume is a flaw. You don't attend functions or make commitments due to what you perceive as a flaw, that you won't fit in, and if you are like me, you put on that protective mask hoping it doesn't crack and fall off and yell, SURRRRR-PRISE, I'M FLAWED. Guess what? You are not your flaws, drop the mask.
Millions of men and woman struggle with depression and anxiety, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, sexual abuse, abandonment, and some even cause self inflicted pain to try and distract themselves from other pains of the heart and mind.
God's word tells us that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made".
That alone should be enough to encourage you to not settle on the residual of what has happened to you. That should act as a constant remimder that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. That's the first action step , accepting the truth of God. Second, accept that you are in a fight for you life and then get busy with getting to a better you, a happier you, the beautiful and authentic you. God orders our steps, our actions, and our prayers. It will take an active and determined approach on your part to break out of the cocoon of emotional bondage and to fly out victorious. Oh I know, you want to hide. You want to stay locked away. You want to do anything to not be noticed. You must not do that because you and your gifts are needed. Your love and kindness are required.
My brothers and sisters, get up and get connected. Get busy by taking the steps towards your self care. Nothing that happened to you or will happen to you is your fault. Take the medication, go to counseling. Get healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. Find a support group and if you can't find a support group, create one. I am confident that if you share your beautiful flaws you will learn that someone is struggling too, and it could be you and your beautiful flaws who will show them the light of Christ.
My greatest joy and freedom is reading and writing. I have been journaling for many years and I could not imagine not being able to write. I write to get the clutter out of my head and once I do, I feel lighter. Embrace all of who you are dear hearts, count it all joy and remember, you are not your flaws, stop hiding them.
Come on back for part 2.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
As of October 2016, I have made some major changes in my life. Some would say, girl, I would not do that. Well, get this, you do not know what you will do until the situation presents itself.
I have been living with family. I quit my job of 6 years. Now, I am letting the winds blow through my afro. Yes, I am on a mini retirement or sabbatical. I don't have an agenda and I am not pressed for time or sleep. Well, I am still an insomniac, but that's getting better. Most importantly, I am being still and really surrendering my heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord. I struggle with depression and anxiety. There are times when the sadness sets in and my joy is snatched, but all Praises to God for His comfort and peace. Though the storm rages, I know the One who calms.
Many say, "I don't hear God". Guess what? God is speaking, it's that your emotional and physical noise level is to loud for you to hear Him. Psalm 46:10 NLT says, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world". See, even God, our Creator, knew that His creations, you and I would get caught up in the world in which we all live. Be still.
The past few years have been a hot mess and I thank God for 2017. I thank God for newness. I thank God for His fresh anointing. I thank God for His mercy that is new every morning. In this second month of this brand new year, I am stronger and wiser. I am free from toxic baggage that I emotionally dragged around. I have a new pep in my step. I am dancing to a new drum beat.
My brothers and sisters, you too can get clear. You must be still in the presence of God. You too can take a few seats and more steps back. Start by speaking God's word back to Him in prayer. Start with Psalm 91. Shut your life down as much as you can and get very still and specific.
YOU are needed and someone is watching YOU. We are waiting for YOU to show up.
Blessing to each and every one of you.