Monday, October 10, 2016

Shattered Comfort Zone - My Journey Through Depression Part 1



In my last post I shared the reality of the apartment complex I am currently in increasing the rent by $150.00, many others were affected as well. So this complex will have many vacancies. Awwwww.  Side eye. Rent increases are taking place all over the country making it very hard for working people to live comfortable and in safety, some are even being forced into homelessness because they cannot afford the outrageous rent prices, and the so called affordable, low income, and subsidized is an illusion.  Unless you want to live in a ran down and dilapidated property, where slum lords are only concerned about receiving their rent on time. Praise God that He will not allow that direction for me. Though I have not secured my own lease as of this post, I do have a roof.
For a depressive, all of the unplanned change could cause spontaneous combustion. Surprisingly, I am not in the dark pit of depression. That may be due to the medication, the self-talk, and determination to walk this process out. It is absolutely due to my faith.  I am feeling some anxiety due to the unknown and that I am an imagined control freak. My patience is not short, it is gone. My conversation is leaning towards the sign language that I should have taken seriously in Jr. High School. Give me silence. Driving in my car is like a rolling padded cell. My thoughts want to do a 200-yard dash, stopping suddenly and then, do a long jump and a running leap off of the nearest cliff.  That is how the effects of anxiety feel to me, but don’t you worry, I am not going to harm myself, I have some grandchildren to harass. LOL
I am excited about the changes that were much needed because I was content and complacent. I am over joyed for a fresh perspective.  I thank God because if it was not for Him and His grace, for His love letters of peace and love, I would have scratched every piece of paint off of every wall down to the bare 2 x 4. I would have pulled every nail out of that wall with my teeth. A little dramatic right? For Real Doe!!!!!!!!! Imagine fingernails being raked across the chalk board sound. My teeth hurt thinking about it. LOL. I am absolutely on cloud 9. Not because I have won the Lottery, I would have to play to even attempt a win. Not that my life is in a grand arena of bells and whistles. Not even due to me no longer suffering from Depression and Anxiety.  I am on cloud 9 because I have been pushed out of my comfort zone of imagined control. I say imagined control because this woman is a control freak.
My Brothers and Sister, all of us have a journey to travel and a cross to bear. All of have a testimony within us that is for someone, we must now that it is not about us. So when you feel the earth move under your feet and the skies seem to be cloudy and gray, know that god is up to something. Rest in His presence. Rest in His word. And most of, instead of frowning and complaining about the darts that come your way, stand up and swing back. Raise your hands in total praise. I know that I cannot do anything without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I lift my hands in total praise.
Be Blessed

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