The Unique View

If we never identify the lies and replace them with the truth, we'll forever crave a healthy life on a diet of poison and always wonder why we are sick. Author Craig Groeschel - Soul Detox I am angry. I am frustrated. I feel stuck. Yes, I try to stay positive, but my thoughts take a journey without my permission. Depression pops up and anxiety kicks in and in the pit I go. Yes, depression is a pit. A pit of despair one cannot understand unless they have travelled the journey. There are days when I want to sleep the week away or I want to crawl under a boulder. Lately, I have been in a good space, not that the stabbing of depression does not cut, I am trying to do my part in healing. Even though I know that in Christ I am healed, I do know as a flesh being, I must take action. As I look back over my life, I have always struggled with stress in some form. Everyday was a struggle to just keep living for my sons. I honestly think that if I did not have ...

As I journey through clinical depression, I am seeing clearly the areas in my life that I have magnified unnecessarily. I unintentionally allowed my thoughts to become laser focused on where I think I should be in my life and on the goals that I have never been able to achieve. I have not allowed myself to morn the death of those closest to me. I have learned to become a sponge, taking in all manner of other peoples issues. The codependency behavior wants to rise up and fix everything, make it all better. The only thing is, the sponge never got wrung out and I know that I cannot fix anything for anyone. Though I have accomplished many things, there are many goals that have seemed to get pushed back into a dark hole. Feelings of being unworthy of anything good. I have placed a priority note on areas that are of no real use in accomplishing what needs to be accomplished, for me. My life has become what I read in a book about clinical depression, an emotional toothache. In 2006, I l...

As I close out my day, I am sitting here thinking about the journey I am on. Being diagnosed with clinical depression is one of wonder and curiosity, frustration and bewilderment, anger and fear. Since that dreadful day, April 6, 2016, I have found myself embarked on a journey of seeking knowledge and understanding about this illness. I woke up this morning with a strong desire to cry, scream and shout. I had a dread in my spirit that tried to consume me. I needed to clean a little, but as I started, I got stuck and had to sit down. Knowing that depression will cause you to shut down, I forced myself to accomplish my intended task. This was extremely hard mentally and physically. The dark cloud that loomed kept sounding the alarm beckoning me to stay in bed. I fought it and today ended up a good day. I willed myself to get up and get out. I took in two hours at the gym and got my one load of laundry done. Though my eating is slim to none, I did toss some chicken wing...

I am still here. You may have been wondering, where is she? My last post was April 3, 2016.  Well, let me tell you, I have been on a journey. I am suffering from depression, medication and all that comes with it. I have not been able to write, read, let alone function clearly due to the wall I crashed into, or should I say, the wall that crashed into me.  It has been a month now, and I am doing much better, but this journey is what it is. I can only take the one day at a time granted me by the Father.  The post you are about to read is what I wrote a few days after that dreadful day, April 6th.  My brothers and sisters, depression is real. The masks that we as African-American men and woman have been conditioned to wear must be removed. We must allow the process of life to flow through us no matter how it looks and while life is flowing, we must acknowledge who we are and what it is for us. Wearing the super cape, putting on the vibrant smile, saying we are oka...

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare" - Audre Lorde Yesterday, I attended an event called, The Black Women Speak Rally. The facilitator, Cana Caldwell of the Pierce County Aids Foundation was absolutely magnificent. She is a young woman on the rise. When I read about the event I was skeptical. The reason for my being skeptical is because for so long I have witnessed many woman especially black woman who come together to speak out on a given hardship to see it turn sour. Many come together to scream, rant, and blame. Many come together to obtain validation for negative behavior and conversation, this I can't do. My attention span for this type of behavior is null and void. With reservation, I went to the event and I am happy that I did. The room was filled with women who came together to discuss the racial divide that is prevalent in our community and its effects on them personally. The raw emo...

The past few weeks have been trying. Death and illnesses go hand in hand, but a sudden death with no warning is catastrophic. One day it is all smiles and laughter, the next, devastation. We can make many plans, but who really knows what tomorrow holds? Jesus. It saddens me when I watch and hear people who do not walk in the obedience of Christ, instead they are caught up in who wrote the Bible and failing to focusing on the message for living and applying wisdom living to be a better people. They live their lives as if, they are in control. I find myself pulling away more and more from all that does not line up with God and His word. I am not interested in pretending that I have done everything on my own. I have less tolerance for people who scheme, beg, and live life as if there is nothing greater on the other side of hardships. Though I strive daily to be better than I was the day before, though I evaluate my life, and slowly work on things to make my life better, I cannot ex...

A dark cloud seems to follow me; the cloud of despair. Not that anything catastrophically is pressing in my life, it is taking place around me, causing this dark cloud to insist on being my shadow. What I do know it this, I am aware and the Holy Spirit is my guide. I must stay connected to the source and trust the process. I could allow myself to get into a frenzy, but that will defeat the purpose of what God is doing in and around my life. In our spiritual walk there are 3-keys that we need to be reminded of, Chronos, Kairos, and Pleroo. Let’s go deeper. The three words are of greek origin. I encourage you to look them up and learn more. Study to show yourself approved. God is all about timing and nothing that He does or even allows is out of His timing.  Look at Jesus, when Mary was informed that she would be giving birth, she was not planning that, God’s timing. Moses being pushed away in a basket down a river, to be taken in by the Pharaoh’s daughter, God’s timing. Do you...